We Had a Happy Weekend

Last weekend I went to the river for fishing with my cousin.It was a small river.We sat on the river beach and waited for the fish.Hu Dong is two years older than I and he is my cousin.He had two fish but I had none.

“Why doesn’t fish come to my hook?”I asked Hu Dong.“You’re too anxious to get fish.Take it easy and relax yourself,”he said.

So I took out a story book and read it.After a while,my cousin said to me,“Your hook moves①,and you’ll get it,”he smiled.

I picked up my fishing rod,then I got a fish.It was one and a half kilogram②.

I think my cousin is cleverer than I.He was so patient and clever that he could get more fish.I only got one fish that weekend,but I was very happy.It made me learn that I should be more patient.

湖南省永州市冷水滩区竹山桥学校八（59）班 胡贤鹏

【栏目要求】

1.将学生习作根据中考分值给出成绩; 2.在应该修改的地方划线并标注序号;

3.根据所标序号进行修改并说明修改的理由; 4.给学生习作点评<优点与不足>;

5.请点评名师提供简历一份，包括：学校、职务、职称、荣誉、教研教学成果、照片一张。

来稿请寄：430079华中师范大学外国语学院《中学生英语》杂志社 初中部收

本期点评名师

张造云男，任教于湖南省永州市冷水滩区竹山桥学校，中学一级教师，主导校本英语教材研究，不断深入英语教研教改，主持校本课改专题《初中生听说读写导学案教学》，有多篇论文在国家级省级发表和获奖，辅导学生双语写作多次获一等奖。教学论文《中学生英语写作模式初探》2013年9月发表在《教师》杂志上，引起强烈反响。

1.优点：

小作者将周末钓鱼写得生动有趣，钓鱼的过程有详有略，让人如临其境，文章结尾点出钓鱼需要耐心的道理。全文生动流畅，又蕴含哲理，是一篇不错的学生习作。

2.需要修改的地方：

①moves改为is moving。根据上下文来判断，用现在进行时表示鱼儿正上钩。

②kilogram改为kilograms。One and a half的意思是1.5，kilogram(公斤)用复数形式。

3.评分：

按湖南省永州市中考英语作文满分10分的评分标准，本文修改前可得9分。

We Had a Happy Weekend