A Page from My Diary

Sunday， May 18， 2014 Sunny

It was Sunday today. We decided to have a picnic on top of the mountain near our school. How exciting① we were！ We set out early in the morning. After nearly two hours walk， we got to the top. We didnt feel tired at all. We were fascinated by the beautiful scenery. The sun was shining. The birds were singing. The mountain was covered with green trees and colorful flowers. After we had a good enjoyment of the scenery， we began to collect some dry branches， make a fire and get ready to do some cooking. Then we were busy to take photos②， playing games， singing and dancing. None of us paid attention to the fire. Suddenly a shout came out， “Fire， fire， the mountain is in fire③！” We were very frightened to hear that. It was such a sunny day and it hadnt rained for several months， so the fire burnt quickly. We tried our best to put the fire out， but we couldnt. The fire was burning faster and faster. Just then， a group of peasants were working in the fields at the foot of the mountain. They came up to help us as quickly as they could. Under their help④， the fire was finally put out.

After that we were tired and hungry. We sat down on the ground looking at the forest. We had destroyed the balance of nature and brought great loss to our country. We felt very sorry. We decided that from then on we would plant trees as more⑤ as we could and remember the lesson for ever.

安徽省濉溪县四铺中心学校八年级（3）班 丁世玉

1. 优点：

这篇日记记叙了星期天和同学们到山上进行野炊、观赏山景的时候，大家不小心引起了山火，后来在农民伯伯的帮助下扑灭了火。全文采用过去时态，边叙边议，层次分明，使读者一目了然，遣词造句和句型的运用都恰到好处。

2. 需要修改的地方：

① exciting应改为excited。“exciting”意为“令人兴奋的、令人激动的”，指事情经历或感受令人激动兴奋，通常是事物作主语。而“excited”意为“兴奋的”，指人感到兴奋激动的，通常是人作主语。

② to take photos应改为taking photos。“be busy （in） doing sth.”是习惯搭配，意为“忙于做某事”，其中的doing不可换成to do。

③ in fire应改为on fire。英语中，表示“着火”，应用“be on fire”。

④ Under应改为With。英语中，表示“在某人的帮助下”应用“with ones help”。

⑤ more应改为many。“as…as…”中间应用原级。

3. 评分：

按中考英语作文满分20分的标准，本文修改前可得18分。