I Used to Think Like You

By Huang Chaopeng

The executioner is a specialist at carrying out the King’s death sentences, a professional at putting criminals to death. A qualified executioner needs to go through many years of rigorous training, learning how to execute in one fowl swoop, without muddling up the job. One such skilled headsman was Zhang San.

One day, a convict guilty of terrible crimes was sentenced to capital punishment. The punishment was to be carried out by an executioner with a beheading. The guilty party was pulled up to the chopping block.He was frightened to endless sobbing, begging Zhang San for mercy, “I’m scared to die, please don’t kill me.”

Zhang San, looking at him blankly, nonchalantly replied,“What’s so scary about a little beheading? Don’t worry about it,my knife is sharp and quick, one little ‘chop-chop’ and it’ll all be over. With a roll of the head, you’ll be a good guy in the next life.”

The criminal was shaking all over and kept pleading. Zhang San, weary of all the squabbling,let the knife sweep, and all went quiet.

A few days later, Zhang San had upset the king somehow. In a rage the king ordered Zhang San’s decapitation. Upon arrival to the execution grounds, Zhan San, started bawling deafeningly,stamping his feet and beating his chest. The executioner carrying out the sentence was a good friend of his. The headsman looked at him kind of puzzled and said,“What’s so scary about a little beheading? Don’t worry about it,my knife is sharp and quick, one little ‘chop-chop’ and it’ll all be over. With a roll of the head, you’ll be a good guy in the next life.”

Zhang San, upon hearing this,wept even more bitterly, saying,“It’s easy for you to say, I used to think just like you. And who knew? Now I’ve switched places,with my neck on the block, I have no way to calm down.”◆

(From Speech and Eloquence,February 2018. Translation: Sam Bowden)

刽子手是专门替国王执行死刑、处决罪犯的一种职业。一个合格的刽子手，得经过多年严格的训练，务求做到一刀断气，不拖泥带水。张三就是这样一个经验老到的刽子手。

有一天，一个犯人因罪大恶极，被判处极刑，处决的方式是让刽子手砍掉他的脑袋。犯人被拉到了断头台上，他吓得不停地哭泣，向张三求饶道：“我很怕死，求求你不要杀我。”

张三乜斜着眼，不屑地答道：“砍头有什么可怕的？放心，我的刀快，咔嚓一声你就没知觉啦。脑袋一滚，十八年后还是一条好汉。”

犯人浑身发抖，继续求饶。张三听得不耐烦，大刀一挥，底下便没了声气。

过了几天，张三不知什么原因，得罪了国王。国王一怒之下，下令将张三拉出去斩首。张三刚被拖到刑场，就放声大哭，顿足捶胸。行刑的刽子手是他的好友，有点不解地望着他，说：“砍头有什么可怕的？放心，你也知道我的刀快，咔嚓一声你就没知觉啦。脑袋一滚，十八年后还是一条好汉。”

张三一听，哭得更厉害了，说：“你说得轻巧，我以前也跟你一样想。谁知，现在换了位置，刀架到脖子上，就根本没法冷静。”◆