硬核解读，深度续写

广东 彭明芳

【问题导读】

读后续写是一种考查阅读与书面表达的新型写作形式，可以从两个层面来解读其意义。首先，从字面层面来解读。读后续写，顾名思义就是先读后写，只有对所给文本内容和结构脉络有充分的了解，才有合理续写的可能性。其次，从内涵层面来解读。续写是在深度阅读文本后，根据原文的语篇情境和逻辑发展，进行“模仿原文语言，创作后续内容”的写作模式。简言之，阅读是续写的起点，读的深度直接决定写的准确度和高度。那么，在写作过程中如何做到深度续写呢？

【名师导学】

1.侧重内容情节的解读。读后续写的体裁一般为记叙文或者叙议结合的文章。这要求在阅读过程中利用阅读技巧把握原文的主旨大意和基本要素，即利用略读的方法迅速浏览文章，紧抓文章的主旨大意，再进行精读，梳理关键信息，弄清楚文章的题材、中心人物、故事情节、发展线索、主旨大意等，即解答5W1H（who、what、when、where、why和how）的问题，并紧扣所给的两个段首句进行续写。

2.侧重主题意义的解读。读后续写的故事情节一般分为两条线：明线，即故事的开端、发展、高潮和结局；暗线，即故事中人物的情感线。通过对文章明线的探究过渡到情感层面的破译，领悟原文作者的写作态度和思想情感，把握文章的感情基调，在续写的结尾进行总结回扣，呼应原文主题。

3.侧重语言风格的解读。从语言层面感知语篇的语言形式与特点，揣摩原文是如何运用准确又丰富的词汇（动词、形容词、副词、介词短语为主）、修辞、句式等进行人物的动作、情感、心理等细节描写的，并通过生动的描写走进人物的内心世界，感受故事情境，续写的语言风格尽量与原文保持一致。

4.侧重逻辑结构和写作技能的解读。从结构、话题、佳句赏析等维度对所给文本进行解读、模仿和创作，并将美文、佳句、衔接关联词进行系统分类，建立微型语料库，积累写作素材。

【案例导引】

On the weekend,the Thomas family gathered for a meal at their home.They were so happy because the family time was deserved to be cherished.However,because of Tom's performance in school,his father blamed him.Tom was so angry that he ran down to the basement to be alone after dinner.His mother took the three-month-old sister to play in the living room.And Tom's father,John,was in the garage to fix his car.

Around 8 pm,Tom was so disappointed as his father hadn't come to find him yet,so he decided to check on his dad.He walked through the kitchen.When he opened the door to the garage,black smoke rose up into the kitchen.He could barely make out his father lying on the floor,trapped under the car.Seeing this,he was so scared that he couldn't move an inch.But just in a few seconds,he knew that he needed to remove his father from the car.He'd removed the front passenger-side tyre and raised the car on a jack(千斤顶).

However,his father couldn't be removed.Immediately,Tom ran to the front of the car and struggled to lift it.But he failed.Tom was so regretful and nervous with tears rolling down his face.His father was conscious and knew exactly what Tom thought,so he encouraged Tom.“You got it! One more try!”He tried again and was able to lift the car just enough for him to pull his dad by the shirt with both hands from under the car.

Tom's father tried to stand up,but in vain.Seeing this,Tom dragged him across the garage and 15 feet down the driveway.His father said anxiously,“Go to check the garage.”Then he ran back to the garage,which had burst into flames.“I was afraid the car was going to explode,”thought Tom.So he dashed into the car,which faced forward,turned the key,and pressed the gas pedal(油门).The car solely rolled out,the metal wheel scratching loudly against the concrete.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1:

Safely on the driveway,Tom stopped the car and quickly ran back to the house.___

Paragraph 2

A few minutes later,firefighters and an ambulance arrived._____________-

文本解读

一、原文的语篇要素

二、原文的情节脉络

三、原文的巧妙用词

1.Immediately,Tom ran to the front of the car and struggled to lift it.汤姆马上跑到车的前面，拼命把它抬起来。

immediately 表现了汤姆在紧张的情况下，勇敢地救出父亲；struggled 传神地表达了汤姆为了抬起车的努力。

2.The car solely rolled out,the metal wheel scratching loudly against the concrete.汽车开走了，金属车轮在混凝土上发出响亮的摩擦声。

这个句子细致地刻画了汽车开走的场景。rolled out 和scratching 传神地表现了汽车迅速开走的情形，也间接地表现了汤姆想让家人远离危险的义无反顾。

四、原文的多维描写

文章多处通过情感、心理和动作描写刻画人物形象、交代背景知识和表现人物的内心活动，让读者身临其境。例如：

1.Around 8 pm,Tom was so disappointed as his father didn't come to find him yet.晚上8点左右，汤姆非常失望，因为他的父亲还没有来找他。

此处通过细节描写传神地表达了汤姆对父亲还没有来找他的失望之情。

2.Seeing this,he was so scared that he couldn't move an inch.看到这些，他非常害怕，以至于不敢移动一步。

此处通过细节描写展示了汤姆当时的惊讶、害怕和不知所措。

3.Tom was so regretful and nervous with tears rolling down his face.汤姆既后悔又紧张，眼泪从脸上滚落下来。

此处通过细节描写和with的复合结构，体现了汤姆当时很后悔没有跟父亲一起，很紧张自己没有帮到父亲，体现了他对父亲的爱。

4.His father said anxiously,“Go to check the garage.”他的父亲焦虑地说：“去检查一下车库。”

此处通过细节描写和语言描写表达了父亲对家人的紧张和爱，尽管自己受伤，但怕家里着火，担心家里的妻子和孩子。

5.So he dashed into the car,which faced forward,turned the key,and pressed the gas pedal.于是他冲进车里，车朝前，转动车钥匙，踩下油门。

三个连续的动作一气呵成，体现了汤姆十分果敢，绝不能让车子爆炸伤害到家人。

五、续写故事设计与语言运用

续写第一段段首句中出现了quickly 和ran back，据此，我们可以推测本段要重点描写汤姆在回家之后做了什么、与家人的对话，以及他们的心理活动，在情节发展和语言风格上都应与原文保持一致。因此，结合原文故事情节发展和两个段首句，汤姆回家做的事情是told the family—saved the family—called 911，动作描写为yelled—saved—called。与家人的对话内容肯定是简短、迅速的表达，以及家人如何回应。因此，汤姆的心理状态肯定是焦虑、紧张的，同时他也很果敢；而妈妈的反应一开始肯定是害怕，接着应该是勇敢地逃出家门，所以续写第一段的结尾部分在情节和情感上可以设置为“Though feeling so nervous,Tom picked up a water pipe and sprayed the fire while calling 911.”，以自然流畅地衔接续写第二段段首句“A few minutes later,firefighters and an ambulance arrived.”。

根据续写第二段段首句和文章的整个基调，我们可以推测这个故事应该是happy ending。那么，消防员来了肯定迅速扑灭了大火。根据前文，父亲受伤了，所以肯定要送父亲去医院。整个过程中，汤姆表现得如此果敢，大家是怎么评价的呢？房子烧毁了一部分，接下来他们住在什么地方呢？基于以上信息和问题，续写情节可设计为The fire was put out—Tom's father was sent to the hospital—The family was helped—Tom was praised，同时紧扣原文主题：青少年应该爱家人、果敢、有担当。

【参考范文】

Paragraph 1:

Safely on the driveway,Tom stopped the car and quickly ran back to the house.“There's a fire!Mom,where are you?”he yelled.His mother responded loudly,“We are in the living room.”Tom quickly ran to the living room,picked up his three-month-old sister and ran out.His mother followed him anxiously.Finally,they rushed out of the house,feeling relieved.Outside,Tom handed the baby to his mom,looking at the burning garage.Though feeling so nervous,Tom picked up a water pipe and sprayed the fire while calling 911.

Paragraph 2:

A few minutes later,firefighters and an ambulance arrived.The fire was put out.They were checked by the doctor.They had no injuries except that his dad had injuries on his legs,and he was sent to the hospital immediately.But the garage and the house were damaged.Luckily,the neighbors came to help them,inviting them to live in their house.Tom was praised by them because of his bravery and calmness.They said,“Tom is a remarkable kid.”Tom,however,simply said,“I was saving my family and my house.It is my responsibility.I love them!”

【模拟导练】

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

My father's T-shirt

As a teenager,I am not mature enough.I got angry quite easily and was not good at communicating with others.I had quarrels with my friends,and I was not polite to elders.Because of my bad behavior,I was sometimes punished by my father.However,it took me a long time to learn to control my temper and take the responsibility to make up for my mistakes.

I still remember it was an early autumn.Some leaves started to turn yellow and the weather became cool.One day,as I was getting ready for school,my mother carelessly handed me my father's T-shirt instead of mine.At that time,I was getting to have a larger size than my father,so when I put on the T-shirt,I felt as if I wasn't able to breathe!Soon,I realized that it was a small mistake which was made by my mother,but somehow（不知怎么地）the breathless feeling was so strong that it made me very angry.I could feel my anger growing,bubbling up inside myself.I shouted at her,“Why did you give me the wrong T-shirt?”My mother said sorry with a smile,but I continued to shout at her without thinking much.I got it off my body so wildly,making a hole in it and threw it on the floor.Then I put on my own T-shirt and rushed out of the house before my mother could stop me.

At that time,I didn't consider what my mother was feeling.I just thought about myself.So after school,when I got home,I felt so regretful but I didn't say a word to my mom.Feeling so frustrated,my mother shared her bad feeling with my father who was just after work from office,“See what your son has done.”I was so scared that maybe my father would punish me.But unexpectedly,instead of saying he would scold（责备）or beat me,my father quietly asked my mother to mend the T-shirt.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1:

Seeing my father's response,I felt more ashamed of my bad behavior.________

Paragraph 2:

On that day,I decided not to let anger control me any longer.___________

【评价导思】

1.请归纳本文描写细节的词汇或句子。

2.文章使用了哪些修辞手法？

3.对比你的文章和范文，它们有哪些异同？