幽默六则

罗慧珍／供稿

1. In a peace way

Rodger came back home with the report card from school. He said to his father，you are a member of Peace Council，arent you？”

“Of course.” “So I suggest we solve some quarrellings in a peace way，OK？I didnt do well in this exam.”

2. Making experiences on the spot

A salesman visited a general. He took out a suit of uniform and boasted of it. At last，he said，“This uniform can protect your body from anything.”

“Excellent！ Put it on yourself.”Then the gerneral said to a guard，“I have to use your gun.”

At this words，the salesman ran away quickly.

3. Ill see to the rest

A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door，talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.

“Come on，miss！” he shouted. “Shut the door，please！”

“Oh，I just want to kiss my sister goodbye，” she called back.

“You just shut that door，please，” called the guard，“and Ill see to the rest.”

4. Sleeping pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor，who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

Sunday night Bob took the pills，slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office，strolled in and said to his boss，“I didnt have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.”

“Thats fine，” roared the boss，“but where were you Monday and Tuesday？”

5. I agree

One day，Lincoln，who was the 16th American president，prepared to go to bed after being busy with the affairs for a whole day. Just then the telephone rang. A man，who was used to securing personal gain，told him that an official who was in charge of the customs died twenty minutes before. He asked Lincoln if he could take the place of the official. Lincoln said：“If the funeral parlor(殡仪馆) doesnt oppose it，I certainly agree.”

6 Three surgeons

Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills.

“A man came to me who had his hand cut off，” said one. “Today that man is a concert violinist.” “Thats nothing，” said another. “A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on，and today that man is a marathon runner.” “I can top both of you，” said the third. “One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. There was nothing left but a horses posterior——and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United States Senate.”

(江西省永新县第二中学 罗慧珍供稿)