JOKES

杨薇

Little Tom：Grandma，I had an interesting dream last night.

Grandma：Can you tell me what the dream was？

Little Tom：No，grandma，you ask me while you know the answer because you were there then，too.

Patient：Is there anything serious with my trouble，Docter？

Docter：Yes，very serious. Your illness is too serious to cure（治愈）. Now tell me，please. Who do you want to see now before you die？

patient：I want to see another doctor.

Boy：I？蒺m very clever. No one can cheat（骗）me.

Man：No one can really cheat you？

Boy：Of course. I？蒺m cleverer than any of you.

Man：Don？蒺t be proud！I will find a man and he can cheat you.

Boy：I don？蒺t believe.

Man：You just wait here. Don？蒺t move. I will go and bring him here.（The man went away. The boy waited and waited but nobody came. At last he knew he had been cheated.）

Nobleman （贵族）：Mr Shaw （肖伯纳），I see you are so thin. Now I understand why there is a famine （饥荒）in Africa.

Mr Shaw：（with a smile） Yes，you are right！ But when people see you，they will know the reason for the famine.

Son：Father，I want to be an eye doctor when I grow up.

Father：How foolish you are，my child. You should become a dentist（牙医）.

Son：Why？

Father：Because each person has only two eyes，but thirty？鄄two teeth.

Dentist：Dear lady，I just pulled out a tooth of your son. Please pay me twenty？鄄five pounds.

Mother：Why should I pay you twenty？鄄five pounds？You pull out one tooth，and I will pay you five pounds.

Dentist：Yes. But when I was pulling out the tooth of your son，he cried out aloud，and four other patients were afraid and ran away.

A little boy went to the dentist. “Doctor，” he said. “I have a terrible toothache.”

The dentist examined his teeth and decided to pull the bad one out.

When the operation （手术）was over，the boy asked the dentist to let him have that tooth.

“What do you want it for？”the dentist asked.

“I？蒺m going to take it home，fill it with sugar and watch it ache！” the boy said hatefully（憎恨）.

Frank had just got a new doorbell，but nobody seemed to notice it. When his friends came，they knocked at the door heavily. Frank was not happy about it.

One day a friend came to see Frank. He was knocking at the door loudly. Frank came to the door but did not open it. He shouted at the visitor from inside，“I can？蒺t hear you！ Please use the doorbell！”

The champion （冠军） athlete caught a very bad cold. He felt dizzy（头晕）and had to stay in bed. The doctor came to see him.“You have a high fever （发烧），” said the doctor after taking his temperature（温度）.

“How high is that，doctor？”the athlete murmured（低声说）.

“40℃”，said the doctor.

“Well”，asked the athlete without opening his eyes，“What？蒺s the world record？”

Tom，aged five，was watching his grandpa playing（摆弄）with his false tooth （假牙），taking it down，washing and fixin（安上）it again. He saw his grandpa doing that again and again，with full interest. At last Tom asked his grandpa，“Well，why not take down your nose？”

A man happily hands his daughter the last check（支票） to be delivered（转交）to his ex？鄄wife（前妻）as the last payment （支付）for the alimony （生活费），considering（考虑到）the girl had just turned（刚刚超过）eighteen. He then tells his daughter，“Honey，please tell me what she says when she learns she will not get one more penny from me.”

The next day his daughter calls him and says，“She asked me to tell you thanks for the checks and that you are not my father.”