机器人狂想曲

2018-02-19 08:14
阅读与作文(英语初中版) 2018年12期
关键词:电热毯农舍护目镜

什么是“脑洞大开”?

看完本文,你就知道什么才是真正的“脑洞大开”!首先,主人公是一个人,然后他假设自己是一个机器人,住在英格兰海岸边的一个农舍里,梦想着成为一只猫咪,一只不被主人赏识的猫咪。很奇特吧?这样奇葩的脑回路,加上令人忍俊不禁的细节描写,让这曲机器人狂想曲显得欢快激昂。

If I were a robot, I would probably not kill all humans. Emphasis[强调] on the “probably” part, because Im not making any absolute guarantees[保证] about my behavior[行为] as a robot. I wouldnt want to limit myself in that way. I dont necessarily know what Id be like as a robot. And while I dont want to kill all humans now, who knows how Ill feel once Im in robotic[机器人的] form?

Like, say Im a robot and I go to see that movie The Artist, and then someones like, “Hey, robot Oliver, did you like that movie The Artist?”

And Id say, “Like? Such a comment[评论] does not input[输入] with me. It was a succession[一连串] of filmed images projected[投射] at 28 frames[帧] per second. I chose to watch it in infrared[红外线] because I never get to use my infrared goggles[护目镜].”

“Yeah, but did you like it?” whoever will say.

“Like?” Id say, and Jesus, do you see how annoying[令人恼火的] this conversation is getting already? Id kill the person to make it stop and then Id have to go kill all the other humans to avoid[避免] getting in trouble for killing the original[最初的] human. Anyway, where was I?

After killing the humans, I think Id build a cottage[小农舍] with a thatched[茅草盖的] roof, on the coast of England somewhere, by the cliffs of Dover. Ive always wanted to live in a cottage, and as a robot, Id have time to build one. Because the thing about being a robot is that you dont get old and you dont die, so you have time to do stuff…And then, once the cottage was done, Id read all the great books, I guess, while not really“liking” them or understanding them…

God, being a robot sounds awful, actually, when you think about it. Never getting old? Never dying? The thought sounds appealing[吸引人的] for one, two seconds. But then, what meaning does life have if one can never taste death and other such existential[存在的] questions? Not being able to die would be like never being able to go to sleep…Have you ever thought about that, never being able to go to sleep? This is actually a parable[寓言] that youre not totally getting; but dont worry about that, not right now. Anyway—not being able to sleep. Itd be awful. Things would go on and on. Robots never sleep.

Instead of being a robot who cant sleep like that, Id rather be a cat. A little kitty. Oh, Id be a good cat; the best cat youve ever seen. Id be a tortoise-shell[龜甲]. I wouldnt be an indoor cat, but I wouldnt be an outdoor cat either, not exactly. Id be inbetween, just a cat, but my owners would have a cat-house on the porch with an electric blanket[电热毯] for when it got cold, so that I could be not-inside, but also nearby at all times. And there, I would dream my dreamy cat dreams. First, you flex[收缩] your cat paws, then you pounce[猛扑] and catch the mouse, but youre just dreaming the whole time, well, arent you?

For breakfast, I would eat breakfast, and then I would hunt. Id catch baby bunnies[小兔子] in the yard; theyre very prevalent[普遍的] in the Spring; more baby bunnies than you could ever imagine. I would catch one and then leave it on my masters porch—you have this expectant[期待的] look when you leave them a bunny or a mouse, but then, youre always disappointed. With your tender[温柔的] eyes, youre like—Look! Look please at what I have done! But then the children just turn away, appalled[惊骇的], and then its all very disappointing.

And after that, Id sleep again, and flex, but Im not a cat, am I?

Im not a cat. Im a robot. I was a robot the whole time. It was a dream that I had; I lied when I said that robots couldnt sleep.

I was a robot the whole time, living on the coast of England, dreaming that I was a cat. Its just a dream; sad. A single cybernetic[控制论的] tear trickles[滴] down my aluminum-alloy[铝合金] cheek.

如果我是个机器人的话,我可能不会杀光全人类。重点在“可能”这个部分,因为作为一个机器人,我可没法对自己的行为做绝对的保证。我也不想那样限制自己的自由。我不太需要知道自己作为一个机器人会是什么样子。而且尽管我现在还不想杀死全人类,谁知道一旦我进入机器人模式后,我的感觉会是怎样的呢?

比如说,我是个机器人,去看那部名为《艺术家》的电影,接着某人说道:“嗨,机器人奥利弗,你喜欢那部叫《艺术家》的电影吗?”

而我会说:“喜欢?我可没被输入过这样的评论。它就是一连串拍摄好的影像被以每秒二十八帧的速度投射出来。我之所以选择以红外线模式观看它,只是因为我从来没用过我的红外线护目镜而已。”

“是啊,但你喜欢它吗?”其他随便什么人会说。

“喜欢?”我会说,天啊,你没发现这样的对话已经变得多么让人厌烦了吗?我会杀掉那个家伙来停止这段对话,但接着我将不得不杀掉其他所有人类,以便摆脱最初杀掉那个人所带来的麻烦。哦,我说到哪里了?

在杀掉这些人类之后,我想我会在英格兰海岸边的某个地方建一个茅草屋顶的小农舍,就在多佛悬崖附近。我以前一直想要住在一间小农舍里,而作为一个机器人,我有时间来建一个。因为作为一个机器人的好处就是,你不会老,也不会死,所以你有时间来干活……接着,等农舍建好后,我猜我将会阅读所有的伟大书籍,虽然并不能真的“喜欢”或理解它们……

天啊,成为一个机器人听起来糟透了,真的,当你好好想想的时候。永远也不会老?永远也不会死?这个想法听起来很有吸引力——在那么一两秒的时间里。但再想想,如果一个人永远品尝不到死亡以及其他这种关于存在的问题时,生命还有什么意义呢?永远不会死将会像永远不能睡觉一样……你有没有想过这个问题呢,永远不能睡觉?这就像是一个你不能完全理解的寓言一样;但是不要担心那个问题了,至少现在还不用。无论如何——不能睡觉,那会很糟糕的。万物周而复始。机器人永远不能睡觉。

我宁愿变成一只猫,而不是一个像那样不能睡觉的机器人。一只小猫咪。噢,我会变成一只乖猫的;你所见过的最好的猫。我会缩在一个龟壳里。我不会是一只室内宅猫,但我也不会是一只户外野猫,不完全是。我会在两者之间,就是只猫,但天冷的时候,我的主人们要在門廊上放置一个带有电热毯的猫窝,这样我可以不用宅在屋里,却又总是在附近溜达。在猫窝里,我可以做着我的梦幻猫咪美梦。首先,你要收起你的猫爪子,接着猛扑过去抓住老鼠,但你只不过是一直在做着美梦呢,嗯,对吧?

对于早餐,我会吃早餐的,接着我会去狩猎。我会在院子里逮兔宝宝;它们在春天里到处都是;兔宝宝比你能想象的要多得多了。我会逮住一个,然后把它留在我主人家的门廊上——当你给他们留下一只兔子或老鼠时,你会有这种期待的样子,但接下来,你总是会失望。带着那温柔的眼神,你会像是——看啊!请看看我干了些什么!但随后,孩子们只会转过身去,惊慌失措,接下来一切都会让人非常失望了。

在那之后,我会再去睡觉,蜷缩起来,但我并不是只猫,对吧?

我不是只猫。我是个机器人。我一直都是个机器人。那不过是我所做的一个梦;当我说机器人不能睡觉时,我撒谎了。

我一直都是个机器人,住在英格兰的海岸边,梦想自己是只猫。那只不过是个梦,一个悲伤的梦。一滴机器人的眼泪滑下我的铝合金面颊。

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