My Hero—My Mum

陈传光

My hero isnt an idol or a famous person but someone close to me—my mum. She is not tall. She is thin. She has long black hair but① big eyes. She is kind and often helps people who are in trouble. I love my mother.

My mum is a worker. She is very busy. She gets up early to cook meals for us. Then she goes to work. She works very hard. She always says we should try our best to do work well.

At home， my mum does almost everything for us. She takes good care of us. I can cook some simple dishes because my mum showed me. She always says teenagers should learn some basic skills and not depend too many② on parents. At weekends， my mum visits my grandparents and talks with them.

I have a good mother. She gives all her love to us. She is my real hero in my heart. Im proud of her.

江蘇省连云港市罗阳中学九年级（2）班 朱攀

1. 优点：

英雄不一定都是扬名立万的大人物，有很多英雄都是默默无闻却无私奉献的平凡人，他们就在我们身边，是我们熟悉的人。正如小作者在文中所写，他的妈妈就是他心目中的英雄。小作者描述的日常生活中的一点一滴，体现了母爱的平凡而伟大。本文先勾勒了人物外表，而后重点描绘了人物的内在，是一篇写人的佳作。

2. 需要修改的地方：

①“but”改为“and”。前后文是并列关系。

②“too many”改为“too much”。“too many”只能修饰可数名词复数，“too much”既可修饰不可数名词，也可修饰动词。此处“too much”修饰动词“depend”。

3. 评分：

按江苏省连云港市中考英语作文满分25分的评分标准，本文修改前可得22分。