一匹掉毛的马

广东 郑 岚

一匹叫作波特的马误以为自己要变秃，于是用了主人的护发素。接下来，故事会如何发展呢？

A horse named Potter and his family lived together with Mr Sam and Mrs Harvey.Pot⁃ter loved to watch TV. Every day, Mrs Harvey watched her favorite show on the television and Potter often listened to the sounds from the open window.

One winter afternoon, a commercial came on.“Worried about hair loss?”said the television.“Whoever gets Miracle Hair Tonic can fight back!”“I should get some of that for Sam. He has a bald spot at the top of his head,”Mrs Harvey said.

“Potter!”Mrs Harvey asked.“Come on. I'm going to clean you up.”“You're going bald, too, Potter,”said Mrs Harvey. Potter looked around.The ground was full of hair.More hair was falling down from his side. Potter could not believe it. Bald! Just like Sam. Potter pictured himself losing all his hair.How the other horses would laugh at him!

Potter was so embarrassed that he stayed silent the whole day.“What's wrong,Pot⁃ter?”asked Sam when he brought Potter some food. Potter shook his head. Several hairs floated off his neck.“Soon you'll be as bald as me!”Sam said and laughed loudly.

Three days later, Mrs Harvey came into the kitchen with a box. Potter stretched out his neck to keep watching her open it.It was Miracle Hair Tonic that caught his atten⁃tion! After Mrs Harvey put it on the floor and left, Potter tried his best to touch the bottle from the window. It rocked and then landed in his mouth. Potter broke the bottle into the water trough (水槽). The water turned green. Potter put his feet on the trough and lowered his body into the water again and again.

“What are you doing, Potter?”Mrs Harvey suddenly asked. Potter stood up quickly.Mrs Harvey's mouth was open.“Sam, come quick!”“The broken bottle of Miracle Hair Tonic is beside him,”said Sam.“I got it for your baldness,”said Mrs Harvey.“Oh,Potter,”said Sam,“I was just making a joke with you. You're not going bald. You're just losing your winter coat.In fact,it helps you get sunlight to keep you warm,and your new hair will grow again.”

Language Study

Ⅰ.Difficult sentences

1.Whoever gets Miracle Hair Tonic can fight back!

译文：谁使用了神奇护发素，谁就能逆袭。

分析：本句中的Whoever引导主语从句，表示anyone who或者everyone who。

2.Potter was so embarrassed that he stayed silent the whole day.

译文：波特感到如此尴尬，以至于他整天都保持沉默。

分析：本句中的so...that...意为“如此……以至于”，引导结果状语从句，其基本结构为“主语+谓语动词+so+adj./adv.+that从句”。

Ⅱ.Useful expressions for emotion and environment

1.Potter could not believe it.

2.Potter was so embarrassed that he stayed silent the whole day.

3.Potter shook his head.

4.Sam said and laughed loudly.

5.Mrs Harvey's mouth was open.

6.Potter felt very surprised.

7.The ground was full of hair.

8.The broken bottle of Miracle Hair Tonic is beside him.

Ⅲ.Sentence for writing

It was Miracle Hair Tonic that caught his attention!

【信息提取】“It was/is+被强调部分+that”是一个强调句式。

【句式仿写】就是这名志愿者帮助我摆脱困难的。

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Reading Check

阅读上面的短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

注意：

1.所续写短文的词数应为150左右；

2.续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好。

Paragraph 1:

Potter felt very surprised.

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Paragraph 2:

Therefore,Potter didn't worry about losing his hair any more.

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❖写作指导

一、语篇研读

要想续写内容与所给材料内容连贯、衔接紧密，必须充分了解所给材料大意。本文是一篇记叙文，文章分析如下：

二、情节构思

我们可以基于标题、原文和续写段落首句提供的信息，构思要续写的故事情节。这一过程分为四步。

第一步，根据已给出的文本判断文章的立意。

根据续写第一段的段首句“Potter felt very surprised.”，我们可以推测出波特从主人口中得知了答案。根据续写第二段的段首句“Therefore, Potter didn't worry about losing his hair any more.”，我们可以推测出续写第一段中波特应该会想办法再次去了解马冬季掉毛的原因。故事的开头介绍了波特无意中听到护发素的广告，然后它因看到自己身上的毛发在脱落而担心自己会变秃。故事的转折点是波特尝试了主人的护发素。主人发现波特在使用护发素后，说出了真相，波特感到十分惊讶。那么接下来，波特会不会去寻找答案呢？譬如去询问自己家庭中的长辈，以此体现波特面对问题时呈现出来的求知精神。

第二步，围绕续写第一段所给出的段首句“Potter felt very surprised.”进行提问构思：

（1）Why did Potter feel surprised?

（2）How did Potter react after knowing the truth?

（3）Who would Potter turn to for help?

第三步，根据续写第二段所给出的段首句倒推续写第一段一定要写什么。

分析一下续写第二段所给出的段首句“Therefore,Potter didn't worry about losing his hair any more.”，我们可以推断，第一段需要叙述波特是如何进一步知道马冬季掉毛的原因，所以它才能不再担忧等内容。这样方能确保续写的两段之间衔接合理，情节连贯。

第四步，围绕题目“A horse losing hair”以及续写第二段段首句“Therefore,Potter didn't worry about losing his hair any more.”进行提问构思：

（1）What did Potter do after knowing the truth?

（2）What would be the ending?

三、润色成篇

在续写的过程中要注意“续”的原则，做到主题、情节、语言风格一致。具体如下：

（1）通过分析，我们可以发现本文的主题是弘扬积极正面的价值观，如文章主角面对问题时所呈现出来的求知精神。续写时应注意结局的设计。

（2）续写的情节应和前面的开始和发展吻合，根据人物的性格特点进行合理的预测。

（3）文章中有多处心理描写和环境描写，还使用了状语从句和强调句，续写时应关注并模仿这些语言风格。

（4）续写时应注意句子长短相间，句型丰富，语法、词汇、标点符号使用准确。