溺水女孩获救

山东 李全忠

1I'd been restless all morning,feeling uncomfortable and not able to put my finger on why.Everything seemed all right.I had a wonderful breakfast with my mother.Then I was sitting on the sofa holding the front page of the newspaper,but not really reading it.Some⁃thing was wrong,but I didn't know what it was.

2My mother didn't seem to notice my distraction (分心).She busied herself making a new quilt(被子).I sat and stared at the backyard through the door,trying to figure out what was bothering me.I needed to be somewhere.I didn't know where I should go,but I knew it wasn't here inside the house.I headed for the front door and my hand automatically went to my pocket for my car keys.But then something told me I wasn't going to be driving any⁃where.I needed to go for a walk.

3I stepped out onto the porch (门廊),wondering where I was supposed to go.Appar⁃ently,my legs had an idea because I found myself starting off on one of my normal morning walks.This time,however,I turned north after going one block and walked up a street where I'd never taken a walk before.

4Feeling uncomfortable,I began to hear two female voices,and one of them was crying sharply.A voice in my head said“Hurry”and I found myself running towards the sound.I ran up to a house.Two women stood in front of the house.One of them was dressed in swim⁃wear and she was the one crying.

5“My baby!”she shouted,staring down at a little girl lying still on the green grass.“My baby's dead!”The other woman stood there next to her,holding her hand.She saw me approaching and said,“They were swimming in the backyard.I think her daughter's drowned.”

Reading Check

阅读上面的短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。注意：

1.所续写短文的词数应为150左右；

2.续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好。Paragraph 1：

Hearing this,I remembered that in college I'd been trained in CPR(心肺复苏).

Paragraph 2：

Time was passing slowly and my heart was waiting in expectation.

写作导引

一、语篇研读

（一）基本要素

（二）主题探索

What is the text about?And what does the author want to tell us?

_____________________________________________

二、语言学习

（一）词块

（二）句式

1.宾语从句

I sat and stared at the backyard through the door,trying to figure out what was bother⁃ing me.(Para.2)

我坐着，盯着后院，想弄清楚是什么困扰着我。

2.状语从句

Apparently,my legs had an idea because I found myself starting off on one of my nor⁃mal morning walks.(Para.3)

显然，我的腿有了一个想法，因为我发现自己开始了一次常规的晨间散步。

3.非谓语作状语

I'd been restless all morning,feeling uncomfortable and not able to put my finger on why.(Para.1)

我整个早上都坐立不安，感到不舒服，也不知道为什么。

I sat and stared at the backyard through the door,trying to figure out what was bother⁃ing me.(Para.2)

我坐着，盯着后院，想弄清楚是什么困扰着我。

I stepped out onto the porch,wondering where I was supposed to go.(Para.3)

我走到门廊上，不知道我应该去哪里。

“My baby!”she shouted,staring down at a little girl lying still on the green grass.(Para.5)

“我的宝贝！”她喊道，低头盯着一个静静地躺在绿草地上的小女孩。

The other woman stood there next to her,holding her hand.(Para.5)

另一个女人站在她旁边，握着她的手。

4.定语从句

This time,however,I turned north after going one block and walked up a street where I'd never taken a walk before.(Para.3)

然而，这一次，我在走过一个街区后向北转弯，走向一条我以前从未走过的街道。

（三）即学即用

1.他的歌曲准确表达了人们对爱、生活和情感关系的感受。（使用宾语从句）

_____________________________________________

2.我决定和他们一起去，主要是因为我没有更好的事情可做。（使用状语从句）

_____________________________________________

3.她18岁上大学,四年之后，毕业时名列前茅。(使用非谓语作状语)

_____________________________________________

4.汤姆不喜欢他爸爸买给他的生日礼物。（使用定语从句）

_____________________________________________

三、续写技能

（一）落实“细微处”描写

在描写人物时，一定要突出细节，细微处最能体现情感，所以尽量不用笼统的词，如smile、cry等，而用相关的描写细节的词汇或词组，如：

1.Lily smiled happily.

2.Lily wore a shining smile on her face.

分析：第1 句中的smile 是一个笼统的描述微笑的词汇，而第2 句中使用了wore a shining smile，用词组的形式突出细节，展示了细微的“微笑”。

（二）体现“多样性”结构

在进行人物描写时，尽量避免平铺直叙，可以多采用如非谓语动词的形式，表现谓语动作的伴随状态，从而使描写到位，并体现语法结构的多样性。如：

1.Her eyes were filled with tears,and she offered her sincere thanks to the man.

2.Tears filling her eyes,she offered her sincere thanks to the man.

分析：第1句在描写“哭泣”时，用到了Her eyes were filled with tears。而第2句则把这句改成了独立主格结构Tears filling her eyes，使描写更细致、生动，同时也体现了句式的多样化，展示了高超的语言运用能力。

（三）展示“丰富化”修辞

除了选择细致的描写词汇和多样化的句式表达外，提升语言层次的另外一种方式是多使用修辞方法，如：

1.The smile on her face shone like a diamond.

2.I feel like I am floating in an ocean of sadness.

分析：第1句把“微笑”比喻成“像钻石一样闪闪发光”；而第2句把“悲伤”比喻成“漂浮在悲伤的海洋里”，展示了用修辞来体现丰富的细节描写。

四、续写布局

根据续写第一段段首句的内容可知，续写第一段可描写“我”对孩子施救的过程。具体内容我们可根据以下问题链来展开：

1.What occurred to me?

2.What did I do next?

3.How did the woman feel?

根据续写第二段段首句的内容可知，第二段可描写“我”施救的结果。具体内容我们可根据以下问题链来展开：

1.What happened to the girl after I performed CPR?

2.How did the girl feel?

3.How did the woman feel?

4.What did I do at last?