“改变与成长”类读后续写主旨句分析

广东 李奕群

【问题导读】

一篇优秀的读后续写不仅要准确地叙述一个故事，还要使叙述的故事出彩。这要求写作者具备扎实的语言功底，同时能灵活、准确地使用各种文学性的表达手法。但很多同学在进行续写的时候只关注情节的建构和句型、短语的表达，全文缺乏对主旨句的提升，文章缺乏感染力，无法使读者进行深度思考和引起共鸣。

主旨句是全文的收笔处，精彩的结尾能够起到点睛的作用。而“改变与成长”类读后续写的主旨句更能让文章立意深刻。

【名师导学】

“改变与成长”是读后续写中的重要主题，在续写第二段的结尾处，我们往往需要写一些主旨句来点明文章的主题和要宣扬的价值观。读后续写情感升华的结尾主旨句要求有较高的立意，这样的结尾能够产生强烈的艺术感染力。怎么写“改变与成长”类读后续写的主旨句呢？我们可以根据“改变”的因素来学习不同的表达。我们可以把“改变”的因素分为以下几类，进行归纳总结。

第一类：学习知识促“改变与成长”；

第二类：发挥天赋促“改变与成长”；

第三类：追逐梦想促“改变与成长”；

第四类：克服困难促“改变与成长”；

第五类：战胜恐惧促“改变与成长”；

第六类：战胜自卑促“改变与成长”；

第七类：战胜消极促“改变与成长”。

【案例导引】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

Sometimes your biggest weakness can become your biggest strength.Everyone has his own weakness, but life always offers his unexpected strength in his misfortune.We'd make full use of it just like the girl below;we are certainly fortunate to be given other blessings.

This is a story of one girl who decided to study judo (柔道) despite the fact that she had lost her left arm in a car accident.The girl began lessons with an old Japanese judo instructor.The girl was doing well.But she couldn't understand why, after three months of training,the instructor had taught her only one move.

“Instructor,”the girl finally said,“shouldn't I learn more moves?It isn't far enough to learn just this.”

“This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know,”the instructor replied.

Not quite understanding, but believing in her instructor, the girl kept training.She didn't dare to complain about anything and it was apparent that since her instructor said so,she had to follow without any unhappiness.

Several months later, the instructor took the girl to her first tournament.Surprising herself, the girl easily won her first two matches.The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, her opponent became impatient and charged.The girl skillfully used her one move to win the match.Still amazed by her success,the girl was in the finals.

This time, her opponent was bigger, stronger and more experienced.For a while, the girl appeared to be defeated.Concerned that the girl might get hurt, the referee (裁判)called a timeout.She was about to stop the match when the instructor interrupted.

“No,”the instructor insisted,“let her continue.”

Soon after the match started again, her opponent made a critical mistake: she dropped her guard.Instantly, the girl used her move to hold her opponent tightly.The girl had won the match and the tournament.She was the champion.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

一、故事梳理

这篇文章是以第三人称的视角讲述一个失去左臂的女孩学习柔道的故事。经过三个月的训练，老师只教了她一个动作。她却凭借这一关键动作参加比赛并赢得冠军。我们可以用“5W原则”来分析文章结构和内容：

Where__Whe___n Who_Wha___t__W____hy in the field__________________________________________________________________in her first tournament_________________________________________________________one girl who decided to study judo despite the fact that she had lost her left arm, her oppo-________nents and her instructor The girl who lost her left arm won the judo match and the tournament.___________________Because the biggest weakness that she lost her left arm was also her biggest strength._______

二、语言分析

通过观察我们发现原文开头第一段就是主旨段，点明了文章的主题和意义，这为我们的续写情节设计奠定了基础并指明了方向。

1.Sometimes your biggest weakness can become your biggest strength.（Para.1）

有时候，你最大的弱点会成为你最大的力量。

2.Everyone has his own weakness, but life always offers his unexpected strength in his misfortune.（Para.1）

每个人都有他自己的弱点，但生活总是在他的不幸中给予他意想不到的力量。

3.We'd make full use of it just like the girl below; we are certainly fortunate to be given other blessings.（Para.1）

我们应该像下面的女孩一样充分利用它；我们当然很幸运，能得到更多祝福。

三、常用招式

第一类：学习知识促“改变与成长”

It's never too late to learn.Each individual has the right to accept more challenges and make more attempts.学习永远为时不晚。每个人都有权利去接受更多的挑战，做更多的尝试。

【分析】individual意为“个人；个体”；make more attempts意为“做更多的尝试”。

第二类：发挥天赋促“改变与成长”

Actually, every individual possesses talent.Be brave when you find it and also make efforts.You can create miracles in the end.事实上，每个人都有天赋。当你发现它的时候要勇敢，也要付出努力。最终你会创造奇迹。

【分析】possess意为“拥有”；create miracles意为“创造奇迹”。

第三类：追逐梦想促“改变与成长”

It's never too late to go for your dream.As long as you grasp every opportunity and take full advantage of it,you will stand a chance to realize your dream.追梦永远不晚。只要你抓住机会，充分利用机会，你就有机会实现梦想。

【分析】take full advantage of 意为“充分利用”；realize your dream意为“实现你的梦想”。

第四类：克服困难促“改变与成长”

The journey to success is not smooth.It is full of challenges and difficulties.We should be brave to face them.As long as we don't give up hope and make every effort to overcome all the difficulties,we will surely achieve our goal finally.通往成功的路不会平坦。这条路充满挑战和艰辛。我们要勇敢面对。只要我们不放弃希望并竭尽全力克服所有困难，我们最终会实现我们的目标。

【分析】smooth 意为“平坦的”；overcome all the difficulties 意为“克服所有困难”；make every effort意为“竭尽全力”；as long as意为“只要”，引导条件状语从句。

第五类：战胜恐惧促“改变与成长”

Determination and optimism are what it takes to conquer your fear and accomplish your goal.战胜恐惧和实现目标，需要决心和乐观。

【分析】conquer your fear 意为“克服你的恐惧”；accomplish your goal 意为“实现你的目标”。

第六类：战胜自卑促“改变与成长”

I smiled as I eventually realized the real source of confidence.Now, I am proud of what I look like and much happier, because I have realized it is your personality that decides who you truly are.我笑了，因为我最终意识到了自信的真正来源。现在，我为我的样子感到骄傲，而且更快乐，因为我已经意识到，决定你真正是谁的是你的个性。

【分析】eventually意为“最后；终于”；personality意为“个性”。

第七类：战胜消极促“改变与成长”

Attitude is more important than facts for us.We cannot change our past; we cannot change the facts.However,the only thing we can do is hold a positive attitude.态度对我们来说比事实更重要。 我们不能改变我们的过去；我们不能改变事实。然而，我们唯一能做的就是保持积极的态度。

【分析】positive attitude意为“积极的态度”。

参考范文

（加黑部分为主旨句。）

Paragraph 1:

On the way home,the girl and her instructor reviewed every move in each and every match.Then the girl took courage to ask what was really on her mind.“Instructor,how did I win the tournament with only one move?Is there any magic power about it?Is my opponent much weaker than me? Please tell me the secret.”She couldn't wait to know the answer,but the instructor appeared unhurried.Finally,he opened his mouth.

Paragraph 2:

“Two reasons account for your win,”the instructor answered.“First,you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo.Second,the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm.”Hearing these words, she was suddenly enlightened.The journey to success is not smooth.It is full of challenges and difficulties.We should be brave to face our weaknesses.As long as we don't give up hope and make every effort to overcome all the difficulties, our weaknesses can also become our strengths.

【模拟导练】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

At the age of six, I fell in love with art.In grade school, art on Fridays was what I looked forward to each week.I remember making ornaments (装饰品) out of cardboard paper rolls.

All through school, art was my main interest because there were no mistakes to be made.Art provided self-esteem,love and a natural high like runners get.I loved staying up late drawing and listening to Johnny Cash.When I was doing Indian ink drawings, time stood still and I could see the ink filling the minute crevices(裂隙)in the paper.

There was a love affair with certain brushes and pencils.In the late fifties,my parents moved the family from a small town in Minn to the big city of Seattle.No woods to explore,so I would get up early in the morning and take my red wagon around to collect things that people placed on the roadside for the garbage man to pick up.I found great treasures.

At the age of twenty-two, I was working as a mechanic and fell in love with worn out gears (齿轮) and sprockets (链轮).My foreman showed me how to run a bead (珠子) of weld (焊接) and I practiced welding by creating art out of the scrap iron that we set out for the scrap man.Now at the age of sixty-five, I use a boom truck and a trailer to gather my scrap iron I refer to as rusty gold.

I had always had a dream of one day having a sculpture park for people to come and see my creations.There were a lot of rejections along the way from museums to art galleries and at the time they were negatives which fueled a fire inside me to create my own museum and gallery.I now realize those negatives had to happen in order for me to create a fouracre sculpture park at the base of Mount Rainer ten miles before the west entrance to the national park.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1:

【评价导思】