One Funny Night

2016-05-14 14:05张造云
中学生英语·阅读与写作 2016年7期
关键词:冷水滩区动名词永州市

张造云

One Monday evening, I did some cleaning at school. I went back home very late. When I was on my way to home①, I saw a man making a show with his monkeys. The monkeys made faces and it made me laugh and laugh. The monkeys were so funny that I forgot to go home.

After the show, it was half past six. I realized it was too late to get home. I couldnt wait the bus any longer so I ran as fast I could. When I got home, it was seven oclock. It was unlucky that the power was off in our town. We had no light everywhere. I knocked at the door, I hear② my sisters voice, “Why you are so late?” I didnt say anything. I was afraid to say I had spent some time in watch③ the monkey show. When the door was open, I was frightened by my sister.

“Who are you? You look like a ghost. You arent my sister, are you?” I asked her.

“Im really your sister. Look, I put some cucumber slices onto my face. The book says the cucumber can make girls more beautiful. Sorry, I forgot the power was off tonight,” said my sister with a smile.

湖南省永州市冷水滩区竹山桥学校八(59)班 张永

点评

1. 优点:

小作者将生活中的平凡小事写得生动有趣,生活气息浓郁。本文内容连贯,语言生动,自然流畅,是一篇不错的学生习作。

2. 需要修改的地方:

① to home改为home。home是副词,前面不能直接加to,on ones way home是固定的短语搭配;

② hear改为heard。前面用的是过去时,保持前后时态的一致性;

③ watch改为watching。in是介词,后面的动词要用动名词。

3. 评分:

按湖南省永州市中考英语作文满分15分的评分标准,本文修改前可得13分。

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