学生习作名师点评



学生习作名师点评

【栏目要求】

1.将学生习作根据中考分值给出成绩;2.在应该修改的地方划线并标注序号;

3.根据所标序号进行修改并说明修改的理由;4.给学生习作点评〈优点与不足〉;

5.请点评名师提供简历一份，包括：学校、职务、职称、荣誉、教研教学成果、照片一张。

投稿邮箱：zxsyy2007@163.com或whzxsyy@163.com

来稿请寄：430079华中师范大学外国语学院《中学生英语》杂志社 收

本期点评名师

于莹1992年毕业于山东师范大学，中学高级教师，梁山县优秀教师，市级优质课一等奖，一直担任初中英语的教学工作，连续多年在中考中取得优异成绩。2012年12月在山东省英语竞赛中荣获优秀指导教师称号。先后在《中学生英语》、《山东教育导报》、《现代中学生》、《初中生英语学习》、《英语辅导报》、《英语周报》、《学生导报》、《新课堂》等国家级、省级报刊上发表教学论文三十多篇。

My Mother

My mother is a doctor.She is a 41-years-old①woman.She a good mother.I love her very much.

One morning,my mother was back from the hospital.She came to my bedroom and said,“Look for②your bedroom,dear.It is too dirty.You must clean it right now.”“Oh, Mum,but I cleaned it yesterday.”I said.“It’s dirty now.You must clean it again,”said my mother.“No.I don’t want to clean it today.If I clean it today,it will be dirty again tomorrow,”I said.Mother thought for a moment and said,“All right,don’t clean it.”

In the evening,I was back from school.I was very hungry,so I said to my mother, “Give me something for③eat,Mum.”“You had your breakfast in the morning.And you had lunch at school,”said my mother.“But I’m hungry now,”said I.“Hungry?But if I give you something to eat today,you will be hungry again tomorrow.”Then I understood what my mother meant.So I cleaned my bedroom by myself.Mum was happy and said, “That’s very good.”

How④a good mother she is!

山东省梁山县杨营中学初一 李华

点评

1.优点：

本文构思巧妙，小作者的妈妈将计就计，用事实来晓之以理，说服小作者要从小养成打扫卫生的好习惯。文章句式富于变化，表意清楚，有条有理，是一篇值得推荐的学生习作。

2.需要修改的地方：

①41-years-old改为41-year-old。“年龄-year-old”表示“几岁的”；

②for改为at。look for意思是“寻找”，look at意思为“看一下”；

③for改为to。此处不定式做定语；

④How改为What。how引导的感叹句：how+形容词+主语+谓语或how+副词+主语+谓语；what引导的感叹句：what+（a/an）+形容词+主语+谓语。

3.评分：

按中考英语作文满分15分的评分标准，本文修改前可得12分。

【栏目要求】

1.将学生习作根据中考分值给出成绩;2.在应该修改的地方划线并标注序号;

3.根据所标序号进行修改并说明修改的理由;4.给学生习作点评〈优点与不足〉;

5.请点评名师提供简历一份，包括：学校、职务、职称、荣誉、教研教学成果、照片一张。

投稿邮箱：zxsyy2007@163.com或whzxsyy@163.com

来稿请寄：430079华中师范大学外国语学院《中学生英语》杂志社收

本期点评名师

姜经志男，中学英语高级教师，省级骨干教师，淮北市优秀教师，中国外语学习研究会会员，《学英语》、《英语周报》特约编辑、《中学生英语》兼职编委。多年来，在省级以上报刊发表文章800余篇，并有多篇论文获奖。曾主编《初中生英语满分作文大全》、《英语奥林匹克》、《新目标英语八年级暑假作业》，参编《高中英语知识点反馈与阅读》、《初中英语题典大全》、《21世纪英语学习指南》、《初中英语新作文》等；辅导的学生有30余人在国家和省级英语竞赛中获奖。

Huangguoshu Waterfall

Have you ever been to Huangguoshu Waterfall?It is said to be No.1 waterfall in Asia.It lies in Guizhou Province and is one of the most famous place①for sightseeing. Every year,millions of people will come②to visit it.The great waterfall is 77.8 meters high and 101 meters wide.

But if you went to the waterfall in spring in 2010,you would find a different waterfall.It became much smaller,only a quarter of that before.Because of the most terrible drought,many people don’t have enough water drink③.People can’t grow crops or vegetables.

You can’t imagine the differences of the same waterfall in two different times.Before the year 2010,in spring,people watching the water near the waterfall had to take an umbrella or put on a raincoat,and④they would get wet.The waterfall became much smaller.Fewer and fewer people would like to visit it.All of us hoped that the bad drought would be gone.More and more tourists would come and enjoy the lovely waterfall again.

安徽省濉溪县四铺中心学校八年级关鹏

点评

1.优点：

小作者运用今夕对比的方式对黄果树瀑布进行了描写。由于干旱，黄果树瀑布水流量明显减少。文章最后，小作者期盼黄果树瀑布能够恢复原貌，吸引更多的观光者。全文语言通顺，语义连贯，句式丰富，时态准确，是一篇值得推荐的学生习作。

2.需要修改的地方：

①place改为places。one of后面应接形容词最高级，再接可数名词的复数形式；

②will come改为come。every year通常与一般现在时连用；

③drink改为to drink。此处应用动词不定式（to drink）作定语；

④and改为or。表示“否则；不然的话”，应用or。

3.评分：

按中考英语作文满分20分的标准，本文修改前可得18分。