分析特色，沿袭语言风格

浙江 彭文国

【问题导读】

读后续写的实质是根据所提供的原文内容，写出主旨一致、逻辑顺畅、语言风格一致的故事结尾。因此，续写时除了考虑故事的主题思想，特别关注逻辑之外，我们也要高度关注续写部分和原文的语言风格，确保我们写出的结尾在语言风格上和原文保持一致。

然而在平时的续写练习中，我们发现很多同学忽略了这一点。具体表现为：

1.用词太过复杂或偏僻。有些同学为了增加所谓的“高级词汇”，就刻意使用一些超纲的词汇。而很多情况下，这些同学只是大致了解这个词汇的汉语解释就去使用。岂不知，汉语解释很难和英语单词语义完全一致。我们如果要使用一个英语单词，一定要对其使用的语境有较为深刻的理解。如果我们只是对其汉语的词义有肤浅的了解就把它当作“高级词汇”来使用，往往会出现语义和语法上的问题。所以，老师的建议是，在写作中我们尽量使用课本中学过的单词。如果要使用超纲词，要记住以下几个原则：

（1）注意不可过多使用课本外的词汇。

（2）使用的课本外的词汇必须是自己对其使用语境非常清楚的单词，不要只凭借对单词词义的一知半解就使用“高级词汇”。

（3）超纲词一定要在语境很明确的情况下再使用。

2.“高级句式”太过集中。我们有些同学为了追求续写的“高级”，刻意地追求所谓的“高级句式”。本来用很简单的句子就可以表达清楚，却刻意使用复杂的句式，让句子结构累赘，反而影响了句意的表达。老师的建议是：

（1）不可太过刻意追求“高级句式”的使用，要用在比较合适的语境中。

（2）“高级句式”的使用不要太过集中，要注意使用的位置，注意文章段落结构的平衡和协调。文章的句子要长短结合。复合句和简单句交替使用。

3.不注意原文句子和用词的风格，随心所欲。这样的续写和原文语言风格偏离，没有和原文协调一致。

【名师导学】

那么，我们如何才能写出和原文语言风格一致的文章呢？

1.精读原文，理解文章要表达的主旨和思想。

文字是为思想服务的，表达特定的思想需要相对应的有情感特色的文字。如果作者要褒扬特定的人或事，那么他就会用积极的文字。如果是贬低一个人或一件事，那么他就会用消极的文字。理解文章的主旨，对我们在续写中使用合适的语言有很大的指导意义。

2.细品原文，分析原文的用词风格。

要想对续写的文字有准确的把握，就要对原文的文字有非常准确的理解。要想准确理解原文文字的特点，就要在文章主旨的指导下，对原文的文字进行仔细的分析。对原文文字特点的分析包括：

（1）对原文人物的动作和心理描写的分析。

（2）对原文对话的话语特点的分析。

（3）对原文场景的描写的分析。

3.有机地组织自己的语言，保持和原文风格的一致。

通过对原文主旨的理解和对语言的准确分析之后，我们就会对原文的语言特点有比较准确的把握，然后就可以使用和原文特点一致的文字来进行续写。

【案例导引】

Five years ago,I had a job at the other end of the city,and I usually commuted(上下班往返)to work by bus.Those long tiring hours of travelling were always annoying.But one day,it was healing.

It was an evening,and I got on the bus that would take me home.I chose a seat by the window,which could prevent me from being bothered by others.It was nearly 6：00 pm,but the bus was not yet full and the driver gave no indication that he intended to get the bus on the road soon.

Minutes later,a middle-aged woman took a seat beside me.It seemed that she was crying all the way.Seeing her heartbreaking situation,I asked her whether I could help her.She thanked me and shook her head.Then she tearfully narrated her story.

She had come to the city to visit her daughter.On the way,a thief had snatched one of her bags,which had contained half of the money she'd brought with her.The other half was rolled in a handkerchief and hidden under her blouse,so she fortunately still had some money left.

The bus conductor,the driver,and other passengers listened to her story,but no one said anything.After a while,she stopped crying,removed some cheese bread from her bag,and began to eat,worry still knitting her brow.

An old man in ragged clothes got on the bus.He sat in the seat just in front of the woman.

When all the seats were taken,the driver got behind the wheel and started the engine.The bus conductor began to collect tickets and asked us where we were getting off.When he came to the old man,the poor man lowered his head nervously.Seeing this,the conductor asked the man to show his ticket in a loud voice.The old man admitted in a low voice that he did not buy a ticket.He explained that he had spent all his money this morning when he'd accidentally got on the wrong bus and now he was trying to go home.

注意：

1.所续写短文的词数应为150左右；

2.续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好。

Paragraph 1:

Hearing this,the bus conductor ordered the old man to get off the bus._________________

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Paragraph 2:

The woman seated behind the old man was also observing the incident.________________

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主题语境：人与社会

语篇类型：记叙文

原文大意：作者在公交车上，看到一个非常伤心的中年妇女上了车。原来她来看她女儿，但是在路上一半的钱被偷了。后来又上来一位老人，他之前用身上所有的钱买了车票，却发现自己坐错了车，这导致他现在已经没钱买票了。

主题思想：赞美丢钱的中年妇女的善良，批判司机和售票员的无情和冷酷，教育我们要善良，应帮助他人。

从原文对各个人物的用词可以看出，对不同的角色，作者的用词都使用了不一样的风格。

❖文章一开始作者用的是tiring、annoying，但是经过这件事后是healing，那么在续写的故事中，就应该体现出能使作者healing的情节。

❖在描述中年妇女的时候，使用了表达不幸的词汇。但是，根据文章的主旨，这位中年妇女尽管不幸，但是很善良，因此，续写第二段就应该描述她善良的一面。用词风格都要向这个方向靠近。

❖老人很不幸，那么在续写中对老人的描述也要使用表示不幸的、值得同情的词汇。

❖而根据文章的主旨，司机和售票员是冷漠和没有同情心的代表，那么在续写的时候用词风格就应该和这个特点保持一致。

One possible version:

Hearing this,the bus conductor ordered the old man to get off the bus.The old man was almost in tears as he begged the bus conductor to let him take that bus so he could get home.The bus driver,who had been listening to his explanation,stood up,approached the old man,and repeated the conductor's command to urge the old man to get off the bus.Apart from the harsh words from the driver and sobs from the old man,the whole bus was in a terrible silence.

The woman seated behind the old man was also observing the incident.When the bus driver and conductor raised their voices at the old man,she stood up and said,“Don't be so rude to him! Can't you see he's only trying to get home?”“He doesn't have any money! ”the driver shouted.The woman reached inside her blouse,took out her remaining money,and handed it to the conductor.“Here is his fare.Please be kind to an old man.”Later,she also shared her bread with the old man.How much sweeter the journey was with the woman's kindness and gracious behavior.

续写文章语言特点分析：

❖the woman:

“Don't be so rude to him! Can't you see he's only trying to get home?”

“Here is his fare.Please be kind to an old man.”

Later,she also shared her bread with the old man.

这些话语和描述，充分表达了作者对这位女士的赞扬，和原文保持了高度的一致。

❖the bus driver and the conductor:

urge the old man to get off the bus

raised their voices

形象地表现了司机和售票员冷漠无情、毫无同情心的特征。

❖the old man:

The old man was almost in tears as he begged the bus conductor to let him take that bus so he could get home.

sobs from the old man

续写中使用了tears、begged、sobs等单词来描述老人，表现了老人的不幸和可怜，和原文的语言色彩保持了一致。

❖the author:

How much sweeter the journey was with the woman's kindness and gracious behavior.

描述作者心情的单词不多，但是这关键的一句和原文的开头形成了很好的照应。

【模拟导练】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

Up until last week,I would say that it was wise for you to stay away from an unfriendly person.But now I take back that.

I was going to a sports-and-nature camp,and almost everything about it was fantastic:the activities,the food,the teachers,and almost all of the kids.The reason why I say “almost”is because there was a girl,Elizabeth,who was always frustrated and seemed determined to ruin the fantastic time.

When I saw her sitting alone in the burning sun at lunch one day,I said,“Want to join us under that nice shady tree over there?”

Elizabeth said,“No,really not.”

When we needed another person for our volleyball team and a boy called Jasper invited Elizabeth to play with us,Elizabeth said,“If I wanted to play volleyball,I'd already be playing volleyball.”

After a few more unfriendly comments like that,I decided to keep away from Elizabeth.I mean,if she wanted to have a terrible time,that was one thing.But there were only a few more days of camp left,and I wanted to make the best of them.

Well,you know how just when you decide to do things one way,life decides to do things the opposite way.It so happened that we were going on a nature hike and our teacher paired everyone up with a partner.Guess who my partner turned out to be!

“I can't believe how warm it is,” I said,trying to make small talk as we started out.“Do you like hot days like this?”

“I honestly don't care about things like the weather,”Elizabeth whispered.

I smiled nervously,trying to think of a new topic,“What do you like to do for fun?”

“I like to walk in peace and quiet,”Elizabeth replied.

“OK,”I said.

Later,we had the quietest,and most peaceful hike in the history of the universe,until we met a bird.It seemed that the bird was injured and tried to flee into the grass,but in vain.

注意：

1.所续写短文的词数应为150左右；

2.续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好。

Paragraph 1:

Elizabeth knelt down before the bird._______

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Paragraph 2:

Seeing the scene,Elizabeth sighed in relief.

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参考范文

Elizabeth knelt down before the bird.“Poor little creature,”Elizabeth murmured,her voice sounding gentler than I'd ever heard.“He must have had his wing or foot injured,just as my grandpa.” “Your grandpa?What happened to him?”I asked concernedly.“He slipped and broke his feet on the day when the camp started.He's still in hospital and suffering great pains.”“No wonder you are so frustrated,” I thought to myself,observing the bird's another attempt.The bird spread his wings and finally took off.

Seeing the scene,Elizabeth sighed in relief.“He made it! ” “And I believe your grandpa will be back on his feet soon,too.”I said with a firm tone.She nodded,smiling at me for the first time.From then on,Elizabeth began to join me in my various topics.And most of the time,she actually enjoyed most of our activities of the camp as my partner.Only then did I realize that it might be worth giving someone a second chance.She may be going through a terrible time and just doesn't know how to deal with it.

【评价导思】

1.Elizabeth刚开始的情绪特点是什么？

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2.原文用了哪些特征性的词和句子来表达Elizabeth的情绪？

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3.续写的语言和原文中对Elizabeth的描述的对比：

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