Ｊｏｋｅｓ　ａｎｄ　Ｈｕｍｏｒ

于　莹供稿

Taking a Taxi

An old lady was going to take a taxi.

“Driver，” she said，“I want you to take me to the station.”

“Yes，madam，” said the driver.

“And you must drive slowly and carefully. Dont go until the policeman lowers his arm. And，please，dont rush round the corners as the road is very wet.”

The driver was getting angry.

“All right，madam，” he said，“but if we do have an accident，what hospital would you like to be taken to?”

乘出租车

一位老太太要搭乘出租车。

“司机，”她说道，“我要你送我去火车站。”

“好的，夫人。”司机回答道。

“你必须开慢点、小心点，等警察放下手臂再往前开。还有，转弯时请你不要开得太快，因为路非常湿滑。”

出租车司机生气了。

“好了，夫人!”他说，“如果我们真地发生事故，你希望被送往哪家医院呢?”

Memory

Patient：Ive lost my memory.

Doctor：When did this happen?

Patient：When did what happen?

记忆力

患者：我失去记忆力了。

医生：这情况是什么时候发生的?

患者：什么情况是什么时候发生的?

Only Mens Clothes

Judge：When you were committing the theft，did you not spare a thought for your wife and daughter?

Defendant：I did，Your Honor. But there were only mens clothes in the shop.

只有男装

法官：你盗窃时就没有替你的妻子和女儿想想吗?

被告：想过，法官大人。但店里只有男装，没有女装。

If I Were a Millionaire

The teacher asked his students to write an essay，telling what they would do if they had five million dollars.

Every student except little Tom began to write at once. Tom sat idle，twiddling his fingers and watching the flies on the ceiling.

“How is this，Tom?” asked the teacher. “Is this your essay? Every other student has written two sheets or more，while you have done nothing!”

“Well，” replied Tom，“thats what I would do if I were a millionaire!”

假如我是百万富翁

老师要学生写一篇作文，谈谈假如自己有五百万美元，会干什么。

学生们马上开始写起来，只有汤姆呆呆地坐在那里，捻弄着手指，看着天花板上的苍蝇。

“汤姆，怎么回事?”老师问，“这就是你的作文吗?其他同学都写了两张纸，有的写得还要多。可你什么都没写!”

“噢，”汤姆回答说，“假如我是个百万富翁，这就是我要做的!”

Mother Didnt Tell Me

A little boy lost his way and went to ask the policeman by the road.

The policeman asked，“Sonny，where is your home?”

The boy replied，“My mother tells me to ask the policeman when I lose my way，but she does not tell me where I live.”

妈妈没有告诉我

一个小孩迷了路，便去问路边的警察。

警察问：“小家伙，你家住在哪里?”

男孩回答说：“我妈妈只告诉我迷了路时，就去问警察，但她不说我家住在哪里。”

A Branch

A man was standing at a corner，with a hat in each hand，waiting for handouts. A passerby stopped and dropped a coin in one hat，then asked，“Whats the other hat for ?”

“Business has been so tremendous lately，” the man replied，“that I decided to open a branch.”

分店

一个人站在拐角处，两手各拿一顶帽子，等待施舍。一个过路人停了下来，往一顶帽子里放了一个硬币，然后问道：“另一顶帽子用来做什么呢?”

“最近生意非常好，”那人回答道，“所以我决定开一家分店。”