“阿尔茨海默”的宽恕

by E. ONeill

Last August when I went to 2）Upstate New York to see my mother， I believed it would be the last time she would recognize me. I hadnt seen her since February of 2010， when the man I had known as “3）Dad” my entire life passed. Moms disease had noticeably progressed in the two and a half years since I had seen her.

While I had been phoning several times a week， being present to witness the progression of Alzheimers is painful. She had her husband of almost two decades， Pete， to tend to her. They lived alone and had a very active life. I secretly questioned where he found the patience to handle the 4）repetitiveness， coupled with what appeared to be permanent exhaustion， as she required extensive napping. That was none of my business as I respected their union and privacy.

2010年2月，那个我人生中所知的“父亲”去世了，那时候我见过母亲。去年8月我再去纽约上州探望母亲，我觉得那应当是她最后一次认出我了。两年半的时间没见面，母亲的病情明显恶化了。

虽然平时我会每周拨上几通电话，但这次亲眼见证阿尔茨海默症的恶化是痛苦的。她的丈夫皮特，照料了她近二十年。他们就两个人过着充实的日子。母亲总是一副疲态，老得小睡片刻，我还曾经悄悄问过皮特，他哪来的耐性应对这种刻板的生活节奏。当然，这些都于我无关，我尊重他们的结合与隐私。

He was a good man， highly capable and I was grateful he was such a good husband to my mother. He still found time to golf and be with his friends， dropping her for a few hours at an Adult Care Center. I hadnt planned on visiting my hometown again. I had put my 5）dysfunctional past behind me， and had written a book， Ellen Who？ Story of a Secret 6）Love Child， about it to help others who had experienced a similarly bizarre history. I had no desire or plans to ever return to my hometown. Those chapters of my life were behind me， or so I thought.

I had sent Pete a plant for his birthday， which was just after Thanksgiving， and found it odd I hadnt heard from him by the end of the day. When I called their home， his sister Kathy， who lived in Michigan， answered. Pete had fallen that morning and broken his hip. She had jumped in her car immediately to make the seven-hour trip to assist. Petes daughter lived one hour east， and both my brother and sister lived right there in town. Apparently， no one was stepping up. I spoke to my mother， who sounded 7）rattled and confused. I hung up and booked my flight.

I arrived a few days later， relieving Kathy to return home. I was stunned at what I saw in my mother. She was confused and unable to cope with direction. I reached out to an Alzheimers hotline that informed me it was common for the rapid progression of the disease when there was a big change， especially if the primary caregiver is no longer present. She was incapable of completing any task on her own. Mid-course she would need to be reminded repeatedly. If I left her for five minutes in her room， she would put her pajamas back on and get into bed. It took two hours to get her up and out of the house. I had raised two children alone since they were toddlers， and that was a walk in the park compared to this. Pete was due to move from the hospital that performed his hip surgery to the 8）rehabilitation center nearby， and I wanted to get her to see him daily. She seemed to be better after seeing him， and resisted when it was time to leave him. He instructed her to follow my directions， which helped in the moment. I took her out to dinner and that proved to be a disaster. It was challenging to get her out of the restaurant. We were barely back at their place when she began the stream of questioning，“Wheres Pete？” I was not prepared for what was referred to as Sundowners Syndrome， which brought out anger and 9）aggression. My mother began to yell at me， accusing me of trying to separate her from her husband. Shed refuse any direction， and scream at me exactly the way she had while I was growing up. I was beside myself. Once I got her to bed for the night， I was able to reach my friend Dorothy in Los Angeles， from my support group. Dorothy had seen and heard everything over her lifetime. She immediately got me on track and after praying that night， the morning brought what must have been a miracle. I was racing against time to get myself ready for the day， the same way I did when my children were little so that Id be ready to be the caregiver.

他是个好男人，相当能干，我也感激他于我母亲而言是如此好的丈夫。他将母亲寄放在成人护理中心几小时，便仍能寻得时间与朋友一起打打高尔夫球。我从未打算再回故乡看看。我以自身不寻常的过往为背景，写了本书《埃伦·某某？一个秘密私生子的故事》，以此来帮助那些拥有类似离奇轨迹的人们。我从未有过欲望或者念想回去我的故乡。我人生的那段经历已成过去了，我以为。

我给皮特邮寄了一株植物作为生日贺礼，那时感恩节刚刚过去，奇怪的是直到他生日当天结束我都没有得到他任何回音。当我打电话到他们家里的时候，他住在密歇根的姐姐凯西接了电话。皮特那天早上跌倒了还摔坏了髋骨。她立马驾车七个小时赶去帮忙。皮特的女儿住在距离一小时车程的东部，而我的哥哥和妹妹就住在那个镇上。很明显，没人愿意理会。我跟母亲说了几句，觉得她有点惊恐迷糊。……