Mom，I Miss You

朱敏

【栏目要求】

1. 将学生习作根据中考分值给出成绩； 2. 在应该修改的地方划线并标注序号；

3. 根据所标序号进行修改并说明修改的理由； 4. 给学生习作点评<优点与不足>；

5. 请点评名师提供简历一份，包括：学校、职务、 职称、荣誉、教研教学成果、照片一张。

投稿邮箱： zxsyy2007@163.com或whzxsyy@163.com

来稿请寄： 430079 华中师范大学外国语学院《中学生英语》 杂志社 收

姜经志 男，中学英语高级教师，省级骨干教师，淮北市优秀教师，中国外语学习研究会会员，《学英语》，《英语周报》特约编辑、《中学生英语》兼职编委。多年来，在省级以上报刊发表文章800余篇，并有多篇论文获奖。曾主编《初中生英语满分作文大全》《英语奥林匹克》《新目标英语八年级暑假作业》，参编《高中英语知识点反馈与阅读》《初中英语题典大全》《21世纪英语学习指南》《初中英语新作文》《中学生英语水平测试》等10余册，辅导学生30余人次在国家和省级英语竞赛中获奖。

You left home after you had a fight with my father and never returned① ever since. At that time I was only two. From then on， my father began to drink and smoke every day. When I was four， he died in an accident. I lost him.

I live with my grandparents. They have taken lots of trouble to bring me up. When I saw other childrens parents to take② them to the park， to the school or to the cinema. How I envy them！

In my dreams， I always see you and hear your voice. Youre a nice woman. I throw myself to you and you take me in your arms closely. How happy I was then！But when I wake up， everything is still like what it was before.

I asked grandma where you had been③ and when you would be back. She said she didnt know， but she said if I were a good child， you would be back soon. So I have been studying hard. Im one of the best students in the school. Teachers and students all like me. I have been expecting you return④ every day.

Mom， do you still remember me？ Do you know my wish？ Will you please be back soon？

I miss you， Mom.

1. 優点：

这是一篇情真意切、充满感情的文章。它是作者用心完成的。本文告诉广大父母亲：自己的言行要对孩子负责，不要让孩子过早失去父母的爱。

2. 需要修改的地方：

① never returned改为have never returned。ever since意为“从那以后”，常与现在完成时连用。

② to take改为take。see sb. do sth.意为“看见某人做了某事”。see后面应接不带to的动词不定式。

③ had been改为had gone。have been to 表示“曾经去过某地”，现在已不在那里了；have（has） gone to 意为“到某地去了”，表示到了某地或正在去某地的途中，总之，说话时该人不在现场。

④ return改为to return。expect sb. to do sth.意为“期待某人做某事”。

3. 评分：

按中考英语作文满分20分的标准，本文修改前可得18分。