7 things you should never say to someone

邹雷霆

You’ve just said something wrong. The other person is looking at you with a red angry face， but the issue is not about what you’ve said， it’s about what they’ve heard.

当你说错话的时候。对方正怒火中烧地看着你，这类问题的关键往往不在你说了什么，而是别人听了什么。

There are some sentences that act like deadly silent ninjas， killing self-confidence and antagonizing your friends， family and colleagues—the worst thing is that you might not even realize it.

有些话就像致命的忍者，会抹杀别人的自信，伤害你的朋友、家人和同事--最糟糕的是可能你根本都没有意识到。

Here are 7 things you should never say to someone：

以下的7句话可千万不要对别人说：

1. “I don’t care”

“我不在乎”

What they hear： “Leave me alone. I have better things to do than listen to you.”

别人听到的却是：“别烦我。我还有比听你唠叨更重要的事要做。”

Explain why you would love to hear about that subject， and why “right now” is not the best time for you. Everybody matters. Not caring about someone is denying their existence： If people matter for you， you will matter for them.

解释一下其实你对这些很感兴趣，只是“此刻”对你来说不合时宜。每个人都很重要。如果不在乎别人就是在否定别人的存在：如果别人在乎你，那你也要在乎别人。

2. “You’re wrong”

“你错了”

What they hear： “You are stupid. You know nothing. You’re worthless.”

别人听到的却是：“你好愚蠢。根本就不懂。一点作用也没有。”

Prefer more tactful sentences. “I would have thought that…”， “My understanding is that…”

有比这更合适的话。“我认为...”，“我的理解是...”

Ask questions to make sure you and the other person are working on the same assumptions.

询问他人的意见，确保你们商讨的同一个假设。

3. “You can’t do it”

“你做不到”

What they hear： “You don’t have what it takes to do it， no matter how hard you try; So why do you even try？”

别人听到却是：“不管你付出多大的努力，都没有能力做这件事情;那还何必尝试呢？”

Why would you set someone up for failure？ I understand that you don’t want your friend to have delusions， and you could feel that it is your duty to stop that person before they hurt themselves， but I would like to ask you： how can you judge what is good for somebody？ And what if failure was the best path for growth？

你凭着什么去断定别人的失败？我理解你只是不希望朋友抱着幻想，你觉得自己有义务在对方受伤前阻止他们，但我就要问你了：你是怎样判断哪些对他们有益呢？失败又何尝不是成长的最佳方式？

Encourage people who have chosen a challenging path.

鼓勵那些选择挑战的人吧。

Good judgement comes with experience， but experience comes from bad judgement; – Will Rogers

好的判断来自经验，而经验来自坏的判断;--威尔.罗杰斯

4. “This should be easy”

“这很简单”

What they hear： “It’s easy for most people. If you have trouble doing it， there is probably something wrong about you”

别人听到的却是：“别人都觉得简单。如果你觉得难，那就是你的问题了”

The level of difficulty is perceived differently by everyone， and everyone has their own Everest. If you’re telling somebody that their job is easy， then you’re undermining their contribution to society and you’re telling them they don’t deserve the salary they have.

每个人的短处各异，却都有自己的强项。如果你断言他人的工作如何简单，那么你在无形中就低估了别人对社会的贡献，也就表示你觉得别人不值其拥有的功劳。……