读后续写中“读”的技巧

钟志林

读后续写是很多同学的心头之痛，主要原因是不知如何“读”，或重点读什么。笔者认为，如果没有充分的“读”，“写”就无从谈起。现以最近一次月考的读后续写为例，谈谈“读”的技巧。

一、原题呈现

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

Arthur was messy. He didn’t try to make messes， neither did he try to clean up much. His socks never made it into the hamper （洗衣篮）. And he only picked up his toys when Mom threatened to throw them away. Most days， Mom followed Arthur around the house and cleaned up after him. She brushed the crumbs（碎屑） into her hand and threw them away after meals. She picked up his socks and made sure they got washed， dried and folded neatly before going back in the drawer.

One day， Mom asked Arthur to pick up his toy trains. He was reading a comic book and he was still reading， saying nothing. The trains had been on the living room floor since the morning.

“You know what， Arthur？ I’m not going to ask you again. I’m done cleaning today.”And with that，Mom put her feet up on the sofa and picked up a book to read.

At dinner time， Arthur noticed that there was a big pile of crumbs at his place at the table. After dinner， Arthur’s feet felt cold. He went to his room and opened his drawer， but the drawer was empty.“Mom， where are my socks？”Arthur called.

“There weren’t any socks in your hamper， so I didn’t wash them，”Mom said. Arthur felt unhappy. Now his feet would be cold， unless he wanted to wear dirty socks from the floor. He decided to stay barefoot.

When it was time for bed， Arthur said good night to Mom and turned to go upstairs. Arthur stepped right on his toy train in his bare feet.“Ouch！”cried Arthur.“That really hurt ！”

注意：

1. 续写词数应为150左右

2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。

He turned to mom for help. However， Mom was still reading and said nothing._______________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Having put away the toy train， he caught sight of the dirty socks.________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

故事梗概：Arthur是一個messy男孩，经常不收拾自己吃剩下的东西，不收拾自己的玩具等物品，都是母亲经常帮他整理，但Arthur就是不愿意按母亲的要求去整理内务;有一次母亲没有帮他再整理物品了，Arthur找不到袜子，赤脚上楼而不小心踩到自己任意放置的玩具火车上，弄痛了脚……

二、如何实施有效的“读”

1. 读情节

读透故事情节，重点抓住两条线：

一条是明线，即动作线：要理顺主要人物的动作过程，我们阅读时采取标注动词的方法，关注动词呈现的先后顺序，弄清故事中人物做了什么。

另一条是暗线，即情感线：阅读过程中，重点标注表示人物情感的形容词和副词。如果找不到描写人物情感的形容词或副词，可以通过他们的动作或对话，分析他们的情感变化。

（1）明线分析：标注动词，理顺情节。

首先标注描写Arthur和Mom的动词，推断人物性格特征。

第一，标注描写Arthur 的动词。

... he only picked up his toys when Mom threatened to throw them away.”... .. One day， Mom asked Arthur to pick up his toy trains. He was reading a comic book and he was still reading， saying nothing ...... Arthur’s feet felt cold. He went to his room and opened his drawer， but the drawer was empty.“Mom， where are my socks？”Arthur called ...... Arthur stepped right on his toy train in his bare feet.“Ouch！”cried Arthur.“That really hurt ！”

Arthur不主动收拾自己的物品，除非妈妈说要扔掉才行动。当妈妈叫他收拾玩具火车，他无动于衷，继续看书;当脚凉了，在抽屉里没有找到袜子，于是对妈妈喊叫;上楼进房间，不小心踩到了玩具火车，脚很痛。从动词呈现的先后顺序就能明晰故事发展的情节，也能体会到Arthur有“不整理自己物品”的坏习惯。

第二，标注描写Mom的动词。

Most days， Mom followed Arthur around the house and cleaned up after him. She brushed the crumbs（碎屑）into her hand and threw them away after meals. She picked up his socks and made sure they got washed， dried and folded neatly before going back in the drawer.

And with that，Mom put her feet up on the sofa and picked up a book to read.

可以看出，很多时候妈妈都是帮Arthur收拾东西，但有一天，妈妈一反常态，翘起脚看书，不帮收拾了。可以推断，妈妈已意识到过度帮助孩子不是好事，要想办法教育孩子了。

（2）暗线分析，关注人物情感的变化。

我们要重点标注反映人物情感状态的形容词或者副词，以及语言描写。以Arthur为例。

Arthur was messy. He didn’t try to make messes ... ..

Arthur’s feet felt cold. He went to his room and opened his drawer， but the drawer was empty.“Mom， where are my socks？” Arthur called... ..“There weren’t any socks in your hamper， so I didn’t wash them，”Mom said. Arthur felt unhappy ...... Arthur said good night to Mom and turned to go upstairs. Arthur stepped right on his toy train in his bare feet.“Ouch！”cried Arthur. “That really hurt ！”

從划线的这些形容词和Arthur所说的话不难发现他情感的变化：一直messy，因为有妈妈帮着整理→妈妈叫他捡玩具火车，他“无动于衷”→脚变“冷”，无袜子，询问无果→“不开心”，因为妈妈没有帮他洗袜子→“生气委屈”，因为他踩到了玩具火车，脚痛。

从暗线分析，也能理顺文章的情节走向，理清文章脉络。为续写提供了情节支持与人物性格的“人设”支持，避免写偏。

2. 读语言

王明初教授曾经说过，读后续写要做到“内容要创造，语言要模仿”。为此，我们读的时候，务必关注文章的语言特点和风格，以便让“写”有道可循，为续写做好语言的模仿和铺垫。语言特点和风格主要体现在以下两个方面。

（1）宏观方面：首先是文体，读后续写的文章多为记叙文，以故事的形式呈现，语言生动，描写丰富，如环境描写、动作和心理描写的语言都比较丰富。其次叙事的顺序一般是按照时间先后顺序。所以学生阅读时，要特别标记表示时间衔接的过渡词。

（2）微观方面：首先，关注时态。故事一般用过去时态，如一般过去时，过去完成时，过去将来时等等。 其次，关注文章的谋篇行文形式，在表达作者情感方面是否通过强化动作描写和对话描写？最后，标记重复使用的高频动词或者名词，在续写文章中可以“借用”;同时，关注一些句式，如with表示伴随等;过去分词和现在分词的使用。这些语言现象在续写中的使用能够增加情节的融洽度，让阅卷老师觉得，原文与续写段落风格是一致的，与原文产生“拉平效应”。

结合以上两点，回归本文例子，我们要借用或模仿的语言有：

第一，动词的使用。文中使用了大量的动词，形成动作链，增强了情境的画面感。 如描写妈妈如何收拾整理物品的语言就非常具体生动，如 follow， clean up， brush， throw， pick up， get washed， dry， fold等。

Most days， Mom followed Arthur around the house and cleaned up after him. She brushed the crumbs（碎屑）into her hand and threw them away after meals. She picked up his socks and made sure they got washed， dried and folded neatly before going back in the drawer.

因此，我們要模仿这种行文技巧，让先后发生的几个动词，形成动作链，有利于增强文章的感染力。

第二，语言描写。需要提醒的是，语言描写要与人物当时的动作和情感保持一致。如：

“You know what， Arthur？I’m not going to ask you again. I’m done cleaning today.”And with that， Mom put her feet up on the sofa and picked up a book to read. 对话内容“你知道吗，Arthur？我不会再问你了，我今天打扫完了。”与动作“把脚搁在沙发上，拿起一本书来读”表达的内容是一致的：妈妈不再帮他收拾了。

第三，衔接词语。本文使用了以下表示时间的过渡性短语或从句：

One day， Mom asked Arthur to pick up his toy trains ...

At dinner time， Arthur noticed that there was a big pile of crumbs at his place at the table. After dinner， Arthur’s feet felt cold. He went to his room and opened his drawer， but the drawer was empty. “Mom， where are my socks？”Arthur called.

When it was time for bed， Arthur said good night to Mom and turned to go upstairs ...

我们在叙写过程中，也要学会模仿原文这种衔接手法，使叙事更加连贯清晰。

3. 读首句

这里的首句，是指命题者给出的需要我们续写的两个段落的首句。如何读懂首句至关重要，因为首句就是“潜台词”，隐含着情节的走向，读懂它，我们就能合理地推断情节，构思续写框架。

（1）关注句意衔接。

首先，解读原文最后一句与所给续写首段的首句的句意，推测下一句的情节，避免句意逻辑断层。

原文末句：Arthur stepped right on his toy train in his bare feet. “Ouch！”cried Arthur.“That really hurt ！”（阿瑟光着脚正好踩在他的玩具火车上。“哎哟！”亚瑟叫道。“真的很疼！”）

续写的首段首句：He turned to mom for help. However， Mom was still reading and said nothing. （他向妈妈求助。然而，妈妈仍然在看书，什么也没说）

由此推断，下一句的信息应该是写亚瑟的反应，而且是一些负面情绪的反应，因为他受伤了，求助妈妈，但妈妈无动于衷。所以亚瑟要么生气，要么不解，要么委屈等等。这里通过一些动作以及语言描写来勾画当时的情绪。如：Seeing his mother’s response， he burst into anger.“Why are you so cold！” He shouted ...

其次，通过第二段首句反推第一段的情节发展，做好首段末尾与第二段首句的句意衔接。

续写第二段首句：Having put away the toy train， he caught sight of the dirty socks.（他把玩具火车放好后，看到了脏袜子）

由句中“having put away the toy train”可推断，第一段应该要写Arthur如何收拾玩具火车的情节。当然，是什么驱使他完成这个动作，按照故事情感的发展由消极走向积极的原则，可以推断他认识到自己的错误，怀着懊悔和羞愧情感完成了“收拾”的动作。

（2）读出“首句”的关键信息，合理推测续写情节。

如第一段首句的关键信息是亚瑟求助妈妈，“妈妈没有回应”。据此，可自我叩问：最终妈妈帮助了Arthur吗？帮助了他什么呢？怎么帮助？为什么帮助了他？这些问题链的提出，有利于使情节逐渐浮出水面，情节不会远离核心内容。

又如第二段首句的关键信息是“看到了脏袜子了”。因此，后面的写作思路应该是围绕着如何处理脏袜子，而不是其他物品。

综上所述，读，除了读原文以外，还得包括，题目提供的首句，千万不要忽略续写首句的重要性。我们要读出“写作关键信息”，为续写内容做好逻辑衔接。

4. 读“主题”

众所周知，教育的根本任务是立德树人，高考是教育的一个部分，也应具有育人功能，每一张试卷都必须有育人功能。因此，读后续写故事的最后，问题、矛盾或冲突最终一定会得到解决。故事中的人物经过一系列情绪或心理活动之后，必将从消极走向积极，最终明白一个道理或者实现了自我成长。就本例子而言，亚瑟从一个messy的男孩，在妈妈的教育和帮助下，学会自律和独立，最终改掉了“脏乱”的坏习惯，实现了自我成长。

以上是笔者在课堂实施读后续写教学过程中，根据学生在“读”时遇到的困惑和难点而总结出来的技巧，希望对考生能有所帮助。

责任编辑 蒋小青

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