你是没劲儿的朋友吗？

by Charlotte Green

Your friends call you to go out and you dont even look at your phone. Its not that you dont like them， its just that even to acknowledge[承认] the things theyre saying would make you feel guilty and uncomfortable. Youd rather listen to the sound of your vibrating[振动的] phone and wait until its over than see the words which have actually been written to you. You know what its going to say—“Hey， were all meeting up at the bar at nine， wanna come out？” No， you dont want to go out， and youre tired of explaining it.

Its not that youre sad. In fact， youre happier than youve been in recent memory. Youre just not interested in doing things socially just for the sake of[为了] doing them. You like being by yourself， or maybe inviting a friend over for a movie， and getting to bed at a reasonable hour. And you know that announcing your desire to go to sleep would result in[导致] a million cries of “Oh， come on， dont be so lame[无聊的].” The thing is， youre not sure if youre lame or not by wanting to go to sleep early and not get drunk. You very well might be， but no amount of embarrassment is going to get you out of your apartment.

You sometimes wonder about the things youre missing， the people who are doing things without you， developing friendships and accumulating[积累] memories. The desire to join them occasionally[偶尔] wells up[涌出] in you and spills[溢出] over into actual social interaction[社交互动]—you join for a few drinks， you stay out for a while， you laugh with the jokes and catch up on the stories youve missed. And you can enjoy it. Theres nothing wrong with it. But the more pressing truth seems to be that youve grown out of[因长大而厌倦（某物）] something which you cannot quite identify[认同]. You love seeing everyone， you love learning new things， but you may not experience it in the same way you once did.

Your stamina[精力]， your ability to get wasted[喝醉] and consider it a real diversion[消遣]， your desire to meet people in embarrassing circumstances which you might not remember the next morning， are all waning[减弱] as you decide that you want to construct things during the day. Youve always been told that maturing into a time when partying is no longer your go-to activity[主要活动] makes you something of[在某种意义上] a boring person， a certified[被证明的] adult—but you can no longer force yourself to be interested in the same things as all your other friends.

Sometimes you worry about what it would mean to be the “lame” one， to no longer be the last to leave a party or even be interested in meeting at the bar. You get frustrated at the automatic[无意识的] division amongst[在……之中] a group of people as “cool” or “no longer cool，” strictly judged on how much alcohol you intake[摄入量] or how long you stay out at night. You have moments of seeing yourself older and no longer fun， long-since slipped into a routine[例行公事] of a bit of television before bed， but you arent as scared of it as you are of being a person youre no longer interested in being just to please everyone else. Youd rather ignore your phone， youve decided， than go along with a group who isnt interested in finding a pleasant middle-ground[中间立场].

You know that theyre probably saying something about you. Theyre saying that youre not as fun as you used to be， that you dont know how to party， that youre always at home. And though the feeling of being talked about behind ones back is never pleasant， you at least know that its true. Youre the“lame friend，” and thats okay with you.

你的朋友打电话约你出去，你竟然看都不看电话一眼。不是说你不喜欢他们，只是你不用听就知道他们说的话会让你感到内疚和不舒服，所以你宁愿听着手机的振动声，等到它停止振动你才去看他们发给你的信息。你知道说的是什么——“嘿，我们今晚九点在酒吧见面，你要来吗？”不，你不想出去，并且厌倦了解释理由。

这并不意味着你正处于悲伤的状态中。事实上，最近一段时间以来，现在的你最开心。你只是对为了社交而社交不感兴趣。你喜欢独处的感觉，或者邀请一个朋友来看电影，然后在合理的时间睡觉。你知道当你宣布你想要回去睡觉的时候会引来百万声哀嚎——“噢，拜托，别这么没劲儿。”问题是，你不确定你想不喝醉早点睡觉是不是真的没劲儿。好吧，你很可能的确是（个没劲儿的人），但即使再多的窘迫也不能让你离开你的公寓。

有时候你会想知道自己错过的东西——你不在的时候，朋友们一起做的事情：发展友谊，积累回忆。想要加入他们的欲望偶尔会涌上来，渐渐堆积成实际的社交行为——你加入群体，喝了几杯酒，在酒吧待了一会儿，被朋友的笑话逗得开怀大笑，并补上之前你错过的故事。你可以享受这一切，这没什么不对的。但更迫切的事实是你已经渐渐厌倦了这种你并不十分认同的东西。你喜欢与大家见面，你喜欢学习新的事物，但也许你不想以相同的方式体验已经做过的事情。

你的精力、你喝醉酒的能力、你认为这是个真正的消遣的想法，还有你在尴尬的情形下与你隔天早上也许不会记得的人碰面的欲望，都随着你在白天想要构建新事物的决定而日渐减弱。你总是被告知，人成熟到某个阶段，当派对不再是你的主要活动时，某种意义上你就成了一个无趣的人，一个真正的成年人——但你再也无法强迫自己像你的其他朋友一样对同样的事情感兴趣。

有时候你会担心不再是最后一个离开派对的人，乃至对在酒吧约会不感兴趣会让你成为那个“没劲儿”的人。群体以酒精摄入量的多少和晚上在外待的时间长短自动将人区分为“酷”和“不再酷”的不同两类，这一点让你感到沮丧。有一瞬间你感觉自己已经变老了，不再是有趣的人，早就进入了看会儿电视后就上床睡觉的模式了。但你已不再对取悦他人感兴趣，对此你并不感到害怕。你宁愿不看手机，也不想和一群对寻找愉快的中间地带不感兴趣的人相处。

你知道他们可能正在议论你。他们会说你不像以前那样好玩了，说你不知道怎么在派对玩乐，说你总是宅在家里。虽然被人在背后说闲话不好受，但至少你知道那是事实。你是个“没劲儿的朋友”，但你觉得挺好的。